We rely on our feelings to provide us with information about our environment. Feelings originate from neurobiological processes that help us to navigate our environment and challenges leading us away from danger and toward safety. A simple example of this is drinking a hot beverage, as you bring the mug to your lips, your body will provide a stimulus indicating whether or not the drink is safe and our learned experience would seem to indicate that the feeling is a truth, that if the drink is too hot we could be burned. This all seems simple enough, and for the most part our feelings appear to be a reliable source of actionable information.
In love or fear however, our lifetime of experiences that we rely on for understanding the complexities of relationships were often learned under complex adverse childhood circumstances that provided an unhealthy construct for successful relationship development. Experiences that helped us to navigate unsafe environments when we were young do not necessarily provide us with feelings that create safe and supportive relationships as adults. Unlike a hot beverage, a feeling we have about a relationship situation, while valid for a past childhood situation, may very well be false in the current context with the partner that we love.
All feelings are valid, unfortunately not all feelings are true. Many feelings are often false, consequently if we trust only in our feelings to guide us through life, we will often be led astray from our intentions and values. In essence we can become a slave to external forces and internally generated feelings we developed as a child to make adult decisions for us. Not a recipe for a healthy adult relationship.
For more information, or to work together, contact me at tim@timhager.com or text/call 918.856.8064
